Holding on to hurt and anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
It is one of my favourite sayings. Often we do not allow ourselves to be happy in the present moment because of the impact we allow others to have on our life.
If someone did hurt you in the past, is you carrying this hurt in the present helping you to become all that you want to be? Your answer might be ‘yes’, ‘it is giving me the motivation to get up in the morning and show that other person what I am truly made of, I will show them!’.
Is this the voice of a happy person you need to ask yourself?
Are you doing everything you do because of your own heart’s desire?
Are you allowing yourself to be you, or are you trying to be what you think others want you to be?
Forgiving someone that hurt you bad is not easy. You do not forgive them for their sake, you forgive them for your sake.
A good start to forgiveness is to try and see the situation from the other person’s perspective on life. Why did they act the way they did? Did they have the tools to act differently?
Once you acknowledge that they might simply not have had the tools to handle the situation differently, you will get closer to forgiving them.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you will have to see the other person again, even if this is a close family member. The power is yours, you decide what happens in your life. Just be aware of the emotions linked to potentially meeting them, as this is your clue to how far you are in the process of forgiveness. Sometimes you do not have the ability to ever see them again, in which case you can write them a letter and either burn it or burry it.
Another step towards being happy and comfortable in your own skin is self-acceptance.
If you stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself, what is the voice in your head saying?
Why is this voice saying this?
Even though it might feel natural to criticize ourselves, this is actually not natural at all.
Somewhere between you being born and you being in the present moment something happened for you to not be happy with how you look and act. This is most likely because of an outside source.
It might have been an ex-partner that told you that you carried too many pounds. It might have been a well-wishing parent telling you that you are such a lovely girl, why don’t you show it? It might have been a heavily edited photo of a fashion ideal you crave to be.
If you can establish what happened for you to become unhappy with your image and what the voice in your head in criticizing you for, you can start to acknowledge it and then override it with your own mantra. Try looking in the mirror and saying ‘I am a beautiful being, I have lovely smooth skin, beautiful brown eyes, etc.’
You are who you are. When you were created you were gifted some amazing talents, a skillset that is unique to you. How does it feel to you to tell yourself that you have a set of amazing talents that allow you to be the person that you set out to be.
If you are having trouble acknowledging your own talents, take some time out of your schedule and imagine what your best friend would say your talents are.
You are not boasting if you acknowledge your own strengths, you are not putting yourself above anyone else, you are just connecting to the light you carry inside.
I want to share with you a story from classic Taoist text:
There once was a hunchback by the name of Crippled Shu.
His chin rested on his navel and his shoulders were hiked way over his head, with his neck bone pointed towards the sky. His vital organs were all squashed together and his thighs were pressed up against his ribs.
By sewing and taking laundry he was able to feed himself. By winnowing and gleaning rice he ended up with enough to feed ten people.
When the army came through the village, rounding up the young men, Crippled Shu was able to come and go without fear of being conscripted. When large work parties were called they always left him behind. When the government passed out grain and firewood to the sick and needy he always got a full three measures of grain and ten bundles of firewood.
If this crippled man is able to take care of himself and live out his natural life, how much easier it should be for those of us with crippled virtue.
What is important in this to me is that if we are holding on to hurt and anger, we can change this.
Because you are in charge, you have the power to keep joy, peace, love and so many other great things inside of you.
Why not start with a mantra like this one: ‘I am a beautiful being, I deserve to be loved and accept myself for all that I am.’ Say it like you mean it on a daily basis, and you will notice the change in your perception of yourself and of what is truly important to you.